update - november 17, 2008

Wow...life is crazy. Maybe not mine in particular, and not in a way that carries a negative weight, but life is crazy. I guess when I say that I just mean that there are so many aspects of life to appreciate, and I lately out here in Chicago I have been realizing this. A few weeks back, I felt in some ways like a lost, wooden ship traveling aimlessly through a sea of everything. I was confused about school and what to do with my life, and to a point I still am, but I am beginning to see things differently. Through many conversations and cold midday walks with a warm drink in my hand, I have started to feel change in my mind and under my skin, like discovering new appreciations for an old but continuing world. I say this smartly, certainly not oblivious to the effect of improperly disregarding the importance of the future, but I believe I am recognizing that "life" (as I begin to make this sound like an over-thought and over-produced analysis) is not necessarily about recognizing a goal down the road and using everything in your power to reach it, but instead, "life" is more about appreciating the trip down that road. Recently, I have developed a new appreciation for very simple things, something that I failed to do up until this point. While I am not declaring myself a perfectly re-educated or reborn individual in any way, I am simply stating that you..take my advice? No, perhaps not..I am not one to take advice from; I have so much yet to learn and experience, so many ways yet to grow and develop. At times, I feel my mind is a kitchen pot waiting for more and more ingredients to fill the walls of my head. Like I said before, there are just so many aspects of life that I am realizing. Love, trust, honesty, commitment, inspiration, appreciation..these are only a few of the (perhaps) "arts" of life that one must find and in some way connect to in their own personal way. Being out here in Chicago for almost three and a half months now has shown and taught me so many things..I suppose I am becoming more of a developed artist than I thought. Because truly, everyone is in some way an artist in their own lives; there are always situations in which we must take what we know and use it towards attaining new knowledge (knowledge that we will gather whether we want to or not, whether we are in favor of it or not). I am always (although usually subconsciously) feeling like I missed painting a stroke on this canvas that is life (again, here is displayed the over-analysis of a situation, perhaps crossed with an incredibly artistic or abstract point of view). In other words, being confused about where to go or what to do with life is something that I believe everyone runs into at some point. But to what I believe to be an important extent, one should not consume themselves with questions like 'How will I get there?' or 'What if I look back on myself years from now and wonder why?' I'm not saying make bad decisions or cloud your mind with nothing just because you can. I'm saying that there is a certain sense of appreciation for life and all of its aspects that everyone is entitled to; I have been realizing this lately. And perhaps even though I still, at times, feel lost at sea, I must continue to journey over the deepest waters, possibly discovering new and wonderful things by doing so. One line? It's not about the destination, it's about building a ship - in other words, finding yourself - and sailing.