Update: October 27, 2008

I'm sitting in a chair, by a heater, in front of my laptop. I'm warm; I feel frustrated, but calm and somewhat collected. I have no classes tomorrow so I plan to stay up somewhat late. This paragraph has the potential of a marathon runner, but it seems I have no destination. Where are the painted lines in the middle of the road? Where are the hundreds of people behind the 'caution' tape cheering me on? Where are the over-confident middle-aged women handing out water bottles?



You normally wouldn't ask these questions if you were at a marathon, watching from the pavement's sideline or maybe up in a quietly growing tree trying to spot the fastest runner (or, let's be honest, trying to spot the slowest one). I am not at a marathon, but perhaps I am running a race. I'm not trying to advance faster than my peers or pass anyone in the 'fast lane,' but instead maybe I am in a contest with myself; a test of endurance, a mental match of time and development against what I believe to be my strengths and my talents. A few days ago, I made a final ("final") decision to switch to a Journalism major (with a concentration in Broadcast for television). My legs take each step with confidence because it's something I need...I need self-conviction, I need determination that comes from within myself. But at the same time, this race seems to be getting into my head, making my legs weaker and my stride shorter.

I am trying so hard to stay collected and organized, both mentally and physically. I am trying to look into the future when perhaps I shouldn't be. It's smart to look ahead and consider the pros and cons of every decision, but I'm trying to figure it all out...I'm beginning to realize it doesn't work that way. This life, every step of the way, is a journey. Without risks, we don't grow. Without surprises, we don't learn. It's time for change...it's time for me to start living a little more unknowingly (in a stable and smart way, of course). It's time for me to take my eyes off the finish line and just put my head down and start running hard.